The nation has turned the corner on Halloween, and so you know what that means. It's Christmas time! Now, I know what your thinking: Christmas isn't for two months! Well, if your business is commercializing and distorting the biggest event in the Christian calender (and that is pretty much everyone's business, especially in this economy), then you need to get started early.
But wait, there's more than just economic collapse threatening Christmas these days. The existence of non-Christians. I know, I thought we'd purged them out of the country, too. But it turns out they're here, and they don't celebrate Christmas at all! And not only that, but they don't appreciate the assumption that American=Christian. And so there is a political correctness movement which is just relentlessly bent on ruining xmas by saying it's rude to wish strangers "Merry Christmas" opposed to the all inclusive, "Happy Holidays." Just leave it to the moral majority to play the victims in this lil' non-drama, to pretend that their rights are being confined by political correctness (these are the same people, mind you, that voted for Prop 8). Never mind that most Americans are Christians so it would seem that this political correctness movement is a Christian movement (just not one that lines up with a small fraction of evangelicals who actually do believe that American=Christian without realizing that they are defecating on a legacy of secularism, intellectualism, modernity, and rationalism which is the heart of everything worthwhile about this country).
With that I'll leave it to Steven Colbert give the Right's counter-arguement:
or voted up prop 8 as the case may be.
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